Guides
How to say no in three easy steps
Knowing how to say no in a nice way is one of life’s great gifts.
It can be challenging to say no to people, especially colleagues.
The workplace is not a ‘normal’ environment and is full of peculiar hierarchies.
The same is true of the boardroom. Company directors are very busy people, and their time is precious.
However, simply saying ‘no’ to someone who asks you to do something can be fraught with unpleasant possible outcomes.
So, when should you say ‘no’ to a non-critical request from a colleague or a manager, and how should you say it?
Saying yes can cause stress
The author and productivity consultant David Allen once said: “Much of the stress people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they started.”
He is right.
When you finish a job and know it has been done well, there will always be a sense of satisfaction and relief – the opposite of stress.
Taking on too much, spreading yourself too thin, and trying to please everyone is a recipe for disaster. One of your plates will soon stop spinning and crash to the floor in a broken mess.
Could you take a look at this for me?
How many times has a colleague approached you while doing something meaningful and asked: ‘Would you mind taking a look at this for me when you have a minute?’
How often have you responded with a wane smile and the words, ‘Sure, I’ll get back to you on this as soon as possible?
You can say no, you know?
People appreciate short, concise answers. And confidence in saying no creates respect between people.
However, it is vital to get your tone of voice right. You don’t want to sound like an angry schoolteacher about to explode.
The three-step formula to saying no in a nice way
Help is at hand. There is a simple, three-step formula that can help you say no with confidence.
And don’t forget to ‘practice’ saying no in this way, so it comes out easily when you use the three-part formula in an authentic setting.
This brings us back to the effective five-word formula, which is: appreciation + the no + well wishes.
Here’s how it works:
“Thank you so much for thinking of me (appreciation). I actually don’t have time in my schedule right now (the no). I know you’ll get a great result (well wishes).”
Or:
“Thanks for sharing what you’re up to (appreciation). Right now, I’m not in the market for [this product] (the no). I wish you the best with this (well wishes).”
Or:
“I love that you’re passionate about this (appreciation). I won’t be able to make it (the no). Let me know how it goes; I know you’ll crush it (well wishes).”
Saying no can be good for your mental health
The advice above comes from Dr Nicole LePera, who founded the Mindful Healing Center in Philadelphia to empower people to make the changes they need to achieve optimal health. She incorporates gut health, sleep, movement, cellular health, belief, and mindfulness into mental health treatment.
“If you’re a chronic over explainer, you’ll notice a pull to make the no sentence long-winded,” says LePera. “Practice keeping this short and not providing an excuse beyond what is true (e.g., ‘I don’t have time in my schedule right now.’).”
So, the next time you’re tempted to over-explain, remember the formula: appreciation + the no + well wishes.
Doing so will lift the burden of defending your choices and allow you to enjoy them.